omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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