So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
