i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
