Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
two words...techno handjob
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
