So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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