He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
