Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
