Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
