How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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