In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
