I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
