Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
