I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
