I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
