He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All the doctor said was why
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
