I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
