I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
