why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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