I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
