i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
