my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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