He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
