What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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