just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
