Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
