The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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