I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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