tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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