roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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