I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
