lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
