I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
