So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
