I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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