We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
