i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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