How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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