dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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