I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
