If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
