sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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