miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
