I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
