my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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