This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
