I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
