Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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