I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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