Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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