Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
