I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm always down for nudity.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
