Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
